Online bullying is not a childhood nightmare. With social media as king, adults are facing it too. Here's how to beat it
Days after a news clipping of her poor performance at the Goa International Film Festival of India (IFFI) went viral, anchor Aayenah Pahuja, faced an avalanche of disdain from Internet users across India. In an interview to The Logical Indian, she spoke of how the sudden and cruel attention introduced her to suicidal thoughts.Halfway around the world, wife of Colombian footballer James Rodriguez, Daniela Ospina felt compelled to undergo surgery to lose weight after the Real Madrid footballer's fans called her 'ugly' online.
With instant messaging replacing face-to-face communication, cyber bullying is a challenge Internet users in India have to be ready to face, say experts. While a study conducted in 2012 said half of India's children who surf the Internet face cyber bullying, the dilemma is no longer one that concerns kids alone. A survey by research firm Ipsos puts India on top of the global list when it comes to cyber bullying among adults. The trend can take a variety of forms in the adult world. It could be a joke cracked at someone's expense on Facebook or photoshopping the target's face on a nude body or spreading rumours through anonymous or public profiles. Seeking to humiliate, threaten or blackmail is the common theme.
Check the tone
The problem, says cyber security expert Vijay Mukhi, is that with the increasing popularity of Twitter, Facebook and Whatsapp, bullying is becoming easier. Not communicating one-on-one allows us to be far more aggressive than we would be in person.
We are also quick to get upset by a comment we don't like. Clinical psychologist Varkha Chulani says, before reacting to an unseemly comment, check if the writer intended to hurt at all. "Online communication often doesn't do a good job of revealing the tone it was intended in and we react aggressively, attributing motive when none may have existed," she adds.
However, when intent to humiliate is clear -for instance, if someone is intentionally maligning you -you will need to gather your selfassurance.
If, like in the case of Pahuja, you are at the receiving end of nasty comments for a mistake that's become public, accept it and laugh it off. "Most bullies suffer from some kind of an insecurity and love to exercise power over others.Showing them that you are fragile, eggs them on," she says.
And so, ignoring the bully is your best weapon. Deleting him her from your friend list isn't. "Stop tagging them on your posts or responding to their comments. Only if the harassment is repetitive should you cut them off completely. Because it's possible that their harassment will continue in another form," she adds. "If Facebook introduces the `dislike' button and you don't grow thick skin, you'll have a hard time because more people are likely to hit that button instead of `like'."
Psychotherapist Hvovi Bhagwagar shares a colleague's method of dealing with comments he doesn't like. "He often posts opinions on Facebook and 50 per cent of the responses are not in support. Instead of responding to them on the public forum, he sends them a personal message. This immediately moves the argument out of the public realm," Bhagwagar says, adding that even when responding to bullying, the rule is not to use aggressive or abusive language.
Think before you post
Let's face it. Even without realising, we would have hurt someone on an online forum. How can you avoid being a bully? The first rule, says Chulani, is to put yourself in the other person's shoes. "Would you want someone to say that about you on a public forum? If not, don't say it." If you are commenting on someone else, consider if you know them well. Some people are able to take a joke on themselves better than others. How will this person react? If you are not sure, don't hit the `send' button.
Parenting expert Pervin Dadachanji, who counsels children suffering from depression or being unable to concentrate on academ ics, has a piece of advice that is equally relevant to adults: "If you won't say it someone on their face, don't say it online." Read up. Like Pahuja and Ospina, there have been several victims of cyber bully ing and the results have often been tragic. If you are going to use these public forums, read about their history.
Bhagwagar shares the case of a patient who was the subject of constant humiliation on a social media platform. "Her relatives commented on her dress sense. She reacted by posting a harsh, nasty note. The eventual acrimony left the family split in two and they were facing a property division," she says. If you need to thrash out an issue, pick up the phone and call the person concerned, Bhagwagar suggests. Nasty, aggressive comments often force others to join in and take sides.
Days after a news clipping of her poor performance at the Goa International Film Festival of India (IFFI) went viral, anchor Aayenah Pahuja, faced an avalanche of disdain from Internet users across India. In an interview to The Logical Indian, she spoke of how the sudden and cruel attention introduced her to suicidal thoughts.Halfway around the world, wife of Colombian footballer James Rodriguez, Daniela Ospina felt compelled to undergo surgery to lose weight after the Real Madrid footballer's fans called her 'ugly' online.
With instant messaging replacing face-to-face communication, cyber bullying is a challenge Internet users in India have to be ready to face, say experts. While a study conducted in 2012 said half of India's children who surf the Internet face cyber bullying, the dilemma is no longer one that concerns kids alone. A survey by research firm Ipsos puts India on top of the global list when it comes to cyber bullying among adults. The trend can take a variety of forms in the adult world. It could be a joke cracked at someone's expense on Facebook or photoshopping the target's face on a nude body or spreading rumours through anonymous or public profiles. Seeking to humiliate, threaten or blackmail is the common theme.
Check the tone
The problem, says cyber security expert Vijay Mukhi, is that with the increasing popularity of Twitter, Facebook and Whatsapp, bullying is becoming easier. Not communicating one-on-one allows us to be far more aggressive than we would be in person.
We are also quick to get upset by a comment we don't like. Clinical psychologist Varkha Chulani says, before reacting to an unseemly comment, check if the writer intended to hurt at all. "Online communication often doesn't do a good job of revealing the tone it was intended in and we react aggressively, attributing motive when none may have existed," she adds.
However, when intent to humiliate is clear -for instance, if someone is intentionally maligning you -you will need to gather your selfassurance.
If, like in the case of Pahuja, you are at the receiving end of nasty comments for a mistake that's become public, accept it and laugh it off. "Most bullies suffer from some kind of an insecurity and love to exercise power over others.Showing them that you are fragile, eggs them on," she says.
And so, ignoring the bully is your best weapon. Deleting him her from your friend list isn't. "Stop tagging them on your posts or responding to their comments. Only if the harassment is repetitive should you cut them off completely. Because it's possible that their harassment will continue in another form," she adds. "If Facebook introduces the `dislike' button and you don't grow thick skin, you'll have a hard time because more people are likely to hit that button instead of `like'."
Psychotherapist Hvovi Bhagwagar shares a colleague's method of dealing with comments he doesn't like. "He often posts opinions on Facebook and 50 per cent of the responses are not in support. Instead of responding to them on the public forum, he sends them a personal message. This immediately moves the argument out of the public realm," Bhagwagar says, adding that even when responding to bullying, the rule is not to use aggressive or abusive language.
Think before you post
Let's face it. Even without realising, we would have hurt someone on an online forum. How can you avoid being a bully? The first rule, says Chulani, is to put yourself in the other person's shoes. "Would you want someone to say that about you on a public forum? If not, don't say it." If you are commenting on someone else, consider if you know them well. Some people are able to take a joke on themselves better than others. How will this person react? If you are not sure, don't hit the `send' button.
Parenting expert Pervin Dadachanji, who counsels children suffering from depression or being unable to concentrate on academ ics, has a piece of advice that is equally relevant to adults: "If you won't say it someone on their face, don't say it online." Read up. Like Pahuja and Ospina, there have been several victims of cyber bully ing and the results have often been tragic. If you are going to use these public forums, read about their history.
Bhagwagar shares the case of a patient who was the subject of constant humiliation on a social media platform. "Her relatives commented on her dress sense. She reacted by posting a harsh, nasty note. The eventual acrimony left the family split in two and they were facing a property division," she says. If you need to thrash out an issue, pick up the phone and call the person concerned, Bhagwagar suggests. Nasty, aggressive comments often force others to join in and take sides.
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